Cyndi's Blog
September 2024

The Teenage Years ~ 9.21.2024

13 years ago, Panda became Mommy Panda, Dog became Daddy Dog, and Cool Cat C made her debut to the world. Little did I know that my remarkable eldest daughter and her sister would lead me to my most fulfilling accomplishments and brain-aching challenges. I was always told that having a teenager was not going to be easy, the attitude, the developing body, the raging hormones that they don’t completely understand yet, and the realization that your child is no longer a baby that you could have sworn couldn’t walk or talk just a couple of years ago but growing into an adult faster than the speed of light. With the added challenge of neurodivergence, puberty, and going to a new school (middle school), it definitely has been a difficult transition to navigate for Cool Cat C and the rest of us. 

Recently, we celebrated Cool Cat C’s 13th birthday at our house, and as per usual, I had Cecilia’s lovely personal assistants to help gather the supplies and set up for the barrage of teenage girls that Cool Cat C invited to her party. Green Carr had helped Cool Cat C pick out her party invitation on Etsy.com and I prompted Cool Cat C to text it to her friends that she wanted to invite to the party.

About a week before the party, I took Cool Cat C to Party City to pick out plates, tablecloths, and plastic champagne glasses for her party. Cool Cat C loves champagne (i.e., Martinelli Sparkling Cider).  And a few days before the party, Cool Cat C went out with Green Carr to order her cake and pick up goodie bag supplies and party decorations. Green Carr usually takes Cool Cat C to get a treat of some sort (usually boba) when they do errands or to get her out of the house, where Cool Cat C has been spending a bit too much time at her devices: hours of Roblox on her computer, and then more hours on her phone, texting with friends like the teenager that she was about to become officially. 

Once they got back from their excursion, they ate dinner and set out to pack the goodie bags, which were actually goodie / treat boxes. This year, Cool Cat C wanted a board game-themed party so she got some items related to the theme like dice and fake money. While Green Carr put together the goodie boxes, Cool Cat C loaded them up with little complaint. Finally, Cool Cat C is actively participating in the planning of her birthday party!

On the day of the party, Green Carr and Mary Poppins, Jr. arrived early to help decorate the house in black and white streamers and strings of silver cardboard dots that Green Carr and Cool Cat C had picked up. While setting up the tablecloths, Green Carr realized that I had picked up some gray tablecloths earlier in the week, and she had picked up white tablecloths when she went out with Cool Cat C to pick out her party decorations. So Green Carr and Mary Poppins, Jr. thought that layering the tablecloths on top of each other but off-centering the white ones would look nice, but upon finding out that the white was actually very thin and very see-through, they decided to fold it in half to act as a table runner (so creative!). They did the same with the game table we set up for the girls to play their board games on. The next hiccup that happened was when Green Carr was getting ready to put up the ”Happy Birthday” sign that she and Cool Cat C picked up with the rest of the decorations, she realized that it did not actually say “Happy Birthday”, but instead “Happy Anniversary”. She joked that we could still use it because “Bonne Anniversaire” was “Happy Birthday” in French and that, in her words, “it’s the anniversary of Cool Cat C’s birth.” But there were still hours until the party, so once I left with Little P for her art lesson, Green Carr headed out to pick up the correct sign and later reported that Cool Cat C found the mix-up hilarious.

While I was out, Mary Poppins, Jr. and Green Carr continued to put up decorations and perform other PA duties like feeding said 13-year-old and making sure there were no tripping hazards. Once I got home, Mary Poppins Jr. left due to afternoon plans, and Green Carr stayed behind to help supervise the partygoers since she has worked for me for so long, and most of Cool Cat C’s friends are also familiar and comfortable with her. Daddy Dog took Little P out for the day so that she wouldn’t disrupt Cool Cat C’s party and the very loud crowd of teenage girls wouldn’t bother Little P.

As the party got underway and Cool Cat C’s friends started arriving (much to my and Green Carr’s relief because I only got 2 RSVP texts), they all shuffled into the party area and I got to chat on my front patio with one of Cool Cat C’s friends’ moms who I’ve known since our girls 4 years old. Green Carr stayed inside with the girls, to make sure they did not destroy the house. Once the food arrived and the children were fed, I decided that it was best for me to go upstairs so as to not embarrass my teenager and left Green Carr to observe them to make sure they didn’t burn down the house in my absence. 

According to Green Carr, once she let the girls know I was upstairs and that she was in charge, so let her know if they needed anything, she went back out into the living room and some of the girls followed her to watch her work on some homework (which at the time was a comic for one of her classes). They asked her questions about it and decided that she was cool enough to hang out with so they sat in the living room with her, chatting about middle school drama for which she had no context. Green Carr did her best to offer sage words of wisdom that would most likely fall on deaf ears, but what’s the harm in trying? 

Around cake time, we decided to pour the girls some “champagne,” otherwise known as sparkling apple cider with 4 different flavors to choose from. Green Carr helped pour the cider and had Cool Cat C help open one of the bottles, to teach daily living skills and foster independence, but then realized that it probably wasn’t the best idea to teach Cool Cat C how to open a “champagne” bottle just yet. We sang Happy Birthday, cut up some cake, and Cool Cat C seemed very pleased by her party and even graced us with big smiles and eye contact at the camera. The girls then went back to the party area to continue their games, and I suggested a classic: twister! After about 30 minutes, I went to ask if Cool Cat C wanted to open her gifts, and much to my surprise, Cool Cat C had already done so before I checked in. The girls were sufficiently entertaining themselves without any adult facilitation, and overall, I would count this birthday as a big success. 

I remember when Cool Cat C was first diagnosed, I was terrified of what that could mean for her. Would she be independent? Would she ever be able to talk? Would she ever have friends that she could depend on? But seeing her with friends who look out for her and help her socialize with the new people in middle school has lifted my hopes and spirits considerably.

Having PAs like Green Carr and Mary Poppins, Jr. who act as older sister role models to both of my girls and, as stated in previous blog entries, are energetic enough to play with Little P and cool enough to talk to Cool Cat C. Little P is more drawn to Mary Poppins, Jr., with her infectious positivity and enthusiasm enough to get Little P excited for anything. And Cool Cat C is more drawn to Green Carr, with her observant, humorous, and calm demeanor enough to get Cool Cat C to begrudgingly agree to most of the non-preferred tasks with minimal attitude and allow her to redirect her as needed while with her parents, she will often sigh heavily, slam doors, and/or blatantly ignore their directions. Their care and insights about both of our girls have been invaluable in helping us navigate how to address the needs of two very different children with special needs.

Additionally, Cool Cat C took a lot of the planning and inviting her friends into her own hands this year which was almost inconceivable several years ago due to her Autism and Social Anxiety diagnoses. However, since having an Executive Functioning coach funded by SDP,  we’ve noticed that she’s able to make plans with her friends much easier and we know that additional Social Groups and Coaching services we have planned will continue to help navigate the teenage years! 

Interested in learning about getting multiple PAs, Executive Function Coaching and/or Social Coach / Groups funded through SDP?

Visit www.cloveradvocates.com and fill out our Family Services Intake Form to get started today!